There's a Snake in my Douche!

First thing’s first: “douche” is the French word for shower / bathroom area.

A couple weeks ago, I wandered into my douche to find a long, skinny, green snake relaxing in the corner, causing me to forget I had to pee and run out of the house for help. I know the majority of snakes in Benin are not poisonous, but I don’t know exactly which ones are, so I’d rather not take chances… My 17 year old concession sister, Gloria, and my 10 year old concession brother, Cedric, came to help me. Cedric tried to squish it with a stick, but it escaped and slithered over the wall into the brush, while Gloria assured me that the snake was very bad… Most Beninese are terrified of all snakes, not only because of venomous bites but for superstitious reasons as well. I was just happy to have it out of my house, but ten minutes later, Uncle showed up with a coup coup (machete), ready to snake hunt. I tried to tell him it was not necessary, but eventually I followed cautiously behind as he stalked through the brush and whistled a tune to “draw out the serpent.” Lucky for the snake, and much to my nature-respecting relief, we did not find him… Today, Google tells me the snake I encountered was not poisonous. But once again, it was a fun cultural experience to see the Beninese reaction to a snake, and comforting that so many people came to help me, despite their own fears.

Halloween Sucks, Obama Wins, and I’m 2 Months Down

Halloweener

I knew Halloween would bring nostalgia for all things American, because nowhere else in the world can people dress up like idiots and eat their weight in high fructose corn syrup, and have a damn good time doing it. So I decided to be proactive and attack Peace Corps goal number 2 by sharing culture. I was lacking in decorations, a costume, or fun size candy bars, but I invited my farm friends over to my house for an “America party.” The party was planned for 4 PM since I go to bed early here (it’s dark by 7 o’clock and the only safe place to hang out after dark in malaria-ville is under my mosquito net, so why not just call it a day?).

By 3:55 I had Michael Jackson, Akon, and Celine Dion (Beninese favorites when we’re on the subject of American music) queued up on my iPod, a giant pot of mac and cheese, and a pitcher of Kool-Aid ready to go. Four hours later, when everyone finally showed up, my eyes were red from crying about getting stood up in my vulnerable, homesick state. And it was past my bed time. 

But my friends were ready to party, and they had even partially understood what I was trying to explain about wearing costumes… They were all in plain clothes but introduced themselves as “Barack Obama, Bob Marley, and Martin Luther King Jr.” If that wasn’t entertaining enough, they all also put tape on their nostrils to look like a nose piercing à la Michelle. This should have made me laugh, but I was too grumpy. I had to explain to them why I had been crying, so I said that I was homesick for my friends and culture, and how showing up 4 hours late to a party in my culture means that they don’t want to come, don’t care about me, etc. 

No one got it. They were all shocked and confused at my sadness and proceeded to lecture me about how in Benin, people never show up on time, no one actually parties until it’s dark, the host should never prepare food until people actually get there, and adults are not allowed to cry unless a child dies. So much for me sharing MY culture…

On days like that, it feels like I will never get a grip on Benin, that I will never be understood here, and that I should forfeit all efforts at a social life and bury myself in work or limit myself only to the PC community. But the way I’ve been thinking about it lately, the people on the farm are becoming like family – even if we don’t understand each other, they support me and I learn a lot from them. And in the end we did eat cold mac and cheese and dance the Thriller.

GObama!

I don’t have great access to news here – no T.V., internet, or newspapers. But on election night, I was able to channel in Radio France International on my cell phone, as well as receive texts from well-informed volunteers. As the news has slowly travelled to village, I’ve received numerous congratulations and jokes about the success of “my husband.” Benin likes Obama!

22 to Go

I think the last two months have flown by. I feel very much at home in my village now, but I still spend most my time meeting people, observing life here, and looking for work opportunities. I meet weekly with a women’s group of gardeners, and this weekend I am starting an English club with some of the neighbor girls. I’ve also been spending a lot of time at the schools: a primary school across the street from my concession, and a CEG (College d’Enseignement General = secondary school) about 7 km away. After the Christmas break, I plan to start environmental clubs at both and a girl’s club at the CEG, as I have been observing that the number of girls in school here drops off throughout secondary school – the ratio of boys to girls is about 10:1 by the time students get to their terminal year and the Bac, the exam that allows them to graduate and attend university. I’m still taking Wemε lessons, tending to my own garden (the cabbage and carrots are on their way!), and learning the ways of the farm. Geo is grossiring, I am not, and all is well!

How to Break Hearts in Benin

In an earlier post, I mentioned how it is the cultural norm for men here to be very forward and persistent when interested in a woman. It is custom for the man to ask the woman out at least three times before she agrees. Just saying “no” means nothing and is even considered a standard part of the courting procedure. If she says yes any earlier, she is considered ­­desperate, easy, and undesirable. Thus, guys don’t give up… Many women deal with such advances on a daily basis, so how does one get rid of an unwanted male suitor in a culturally appropriate manner? Some volunteers have researched the matter, and the necessary process is as follows:

Step 1: Respect your suitor.

The American methods of rejection including ignoring texts/calls, a polite but obvious display of disinterest, or even a frank “’no” are off the table here. The first two won’t work, due to previously mentioned persistence, and the latter is incredibly disrespectful. According to my source, a Beninese couple, disrespecting your suitor can mean your safety is at risk! Not in a violent stalker way, but due to the risk of gris gris, a voodoo curse that your suitor could create to either cause you harm or force you to fall in love with him against your will. (Side note: while the point of this culture-informing entry is not about religion, the mixing of traditional and other religions is widely practiced here, and many religious people also believe in the powers of vodun. The couple who informed me of this is Pentacostal, but still takes gris gris very seriously. Interesting!). So how do you show your suitor you respect him? You meet him in a public place, buy a non-alcoholic beverage for each of you, and calmly explain that you do not wish to date him, incorporating the following steps.

          Step 2: Lie.

Even if you are single and looking, to say you are not interested in this particular suitor will not work. It is disrespectful (danger!) and may encourage further wooing. Therefore, it is necessary to come up with a “more valid” reason that you cannot date this person: “I have a husband,” “I am here to work and not play,” “My bride price is too expensive for you,” etc. To ensure you don’t excite him with a challenge, proceed to step 3.

         Step 3: Give him fear.

Back your lies up with a threat. To complete the above examples: “Said husband will beat you up,” “Peace Corps will send me home if I date you,” “If you continue to pursue me, I will tell the whole town and you will be embarrassed because you can’t afford me,” etc. 

           As far-fetched as some of this may seem, it is not so much the content of what you say, but the way you go about saying it. The cultural protocol is such that even if your lies and threats are unbelievable, he will see that you are doing so in order to politely reject him and spare his feelings.

Interestingly enough, this dating and heart-breaking procedure seems to fit pretty well into what I am learning to be socially acceptable behavior here in Benin, which often includes around many lies and excuses for the sake of preserving someone else’s comfort and self-perception. Sometimes I consider it polite, sometimes two-faced, and often times inefficient... But I suppose it’s not really my judgment to make, as long as I understand my environment and act accordingly. With as much as I’m learning every day, two years might not even be enough for that!